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Taking the Guilt Out of Asking for Help

Why It’s Hard to Ask

Sometimes people going through cancer treatment feel pressure to keep up with their usual activities. But the truth is, you don’t have to do it all. It’s okay to ask for help.

Still, asking may feel hard. Some people worry about being a burden, or they may feel guilty and think they should be able to handle it all.1 But needing support isn’t a sign of weakness. Here are some tips that may help make it easier to ask.

Be Specific About What You Need

One way to make it easier is to be clear and specific. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you can help,” try something more direct like, “Would you be able to drive me to my appointment on Thursday?” or “Can you grab a few things from the store for me this weekend?”

Clear requests take the guesswork out of helping. Most people will feel relieved to know exactly what you need—and they’re more likely to say yes.

Use Tools That Make It Easier

If talking about your cancer in person feels uncomfortable, or if you have a lot of people offering support, try using online tools to keep things organized. Websites like CareCalendar, Lotsa Helping Hands and CaringBridge allow you to post updates and assign tasks, like meal drop-offs or childcare, in one place.

These independent third-party websites are just an example of resources that may be available*.

Helping Helps Them, Too


It may also make it easier to think of asking for help as giving someone else a gift. Studies show when someone helps another person, it can improve their own wellbeing.2 When you let them know what you need, you give them a chance to show up for you in a real and meaningful way. Even a small thing like a text check-in, a hot meal, or someone walking your dog can take weight off your shoulders.

BTaking the Guilt Out of Asking for Help

Let Go of Guilt

One last thing that may help is letting go of guilt about accepting support. You are not asking for too much. You are not being a burden. You are someone going through something hard, and support is part of getting through it.

Final Thoughts

Accepting help doesn’t mean giving up control. It means choosing to protect your time, energy, and health.

* Websites identified in this article as potential resources for patients and care partners are for informational purposes only. They are third party independent organizations and Puma does not endorse or vouch for the accuracy of the information provided on any of these websites.

  • 1

    Chen X, Wang Z, Zhou J, Li Q. Intervention and coping strategies for self-perceived burden of patients with cancer: A systematic review. Asia Pac J Oncol Nurs. 2023;10(6):100231. Published 2023 Apr 11. doi:10.1016/j.apjon.2023.100231.

  • 2

    Hui PHB, Ng JCK, Berzaghi E, Cunningham-Amos LA, Kogan A. Rewards of kindness? A meta-analysis of the link between prosociality and well-being. Psychol Bull. 2020;146(12):1084–1116. doi:10.1037/bul0000298.

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